The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous by Jilly Cooper

Author:Jilly Cooper
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Tags: Modern fiction, Fiction, General
ISBN: 9780552150583
Publisher: Corgi
Published: 2003-10-15T07:00:00+00:00

'All right, you're on,' she said, then blushing scarlet, 'd'you fink it might help if I talked more proper? Marigold suggested elocution lessons like she 'ad. Marigold talks so

lovely.'

'No, no,' said Ferdie hastily. 'You don't want to end up talking like Mrs Thatcher.'

In appalling embarrassment, Kitty and Ferdie were then weighed in, with Lysander and Georgie as witnesses. Kitty was eleven stone one, Ferdie over fifteen stone, until Lysander discovered two Jaffa oranges in his blazer pockets.

'That's cheating,' he shouted, shoving Ferdie back on the scales. 'You're only fifteen now. Enter it in the game book,' he ordered Georgie.

'Kitty's will-power is stronger than mine so she deserved a handicap,' grumbled Ferdie. 'And get that ghastly tight perm cut off,' he added taking Lysander aside. 'And I want her in contact lenses by the time I get back from Portugal.'

Rannaldini was away for two months filming and guest conducting. Georgie was working flat out on the album, seeing musicians and rehearsing for a concert in London the same week that Ferdie got home, which left Kitty and Lysander a lot of spare time.

He tried to cure her terror of horses by walking her round on Arthur who seemed slightly less lame, but although Kitty liked Arthur and took to making him his favourite bread-and-butter pudding, she still much preferred a fence between the two of them. She and Lysander also played endless tennis, worked out and swam. Seeing Kitty's vast thighs inside which the gusset of her black bathing dress practically disappeared, Lysander wondered if it was all worth it, but he carried on because she was so touchingly grateful.

The drought continued, and was now called an Indian Summer. Leaves were so dry they clanged down. More cows wriggled across the sheep grid into Rannaldini's woods.

One evening Lysander sat in the kitchen at Valhalla celebrating a large win on Rupert Campbell-Black's horse Penscombe Pride and watching Kitty iron.

'Rachel says it's a wicked waste of energy ironing underpants and 'ankies,' announced Kitty, 'but can you imagine Rannaldini goin' on the rostrum wiv a crumpled 'ankie.'

'Why did you marry him?'

'I was his secretary.'

'I know that.'

'It was the Wednesday. I asked him if I could have the Saturday off to go to a wedding. "That's very inconvenient,"he said. "Whose wedding is it?" I said, "It's mine, Rannaldini." He was ever so upset, I fink he was worried he wouldn't find nuffing when I was on honeymoon. That night he turned up at our 'ouse at two in the morning. Mum was 'opping. Rannaldini drove me to Valhalla. Dawn was breaking, an' there was a white dew, and all the birds in the air was singin'. It was so beautiful. He was separated from Cecilia by then. He said I couldn't marry Kevin, because he was going to marry me. Just the same way he used to say: "Bring your book in". You know how forceful he is.'

'Christ,' said Lysander in awe. 'What happened to all the presents and the cake and things?'

'They went back.' Kitty hung her head.

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